Harvey Milk said:
“Go after her. Fuck, don’t sit there and wait for her to call, go after her because that’s what you should do if you love someone, don’t wait for them to give you a sign cause it might never come, don’t let people happen to you, don’t let me happen to you, or her, she’s not a fucking television show or tornado. There are people I might have loved had they gotten on the airplane or run down the street after me or called me up drunk at four in the morning because they need to tell me right now and because they cannot regret this and I always thought I’d be the only one doing crazy things for people who would never give enough of a fuck to do it back or to act like idiots or be entirely vulnerable and honest and making someone fall in love with you is easy and flying 3000 miles on four days notice because you can’t just sit there and do nothing and breathe into telephones is not everyone’s idea of love but it is the way I can recognize it because that is what I do. Go scream it and be with her in meaningful ways because that is beautiful and that is generous and that is what loving someone is, that is raw and that is unguarded, and that is all that is worth anything, really.”
Sometimes I wonder what if I tried one more time?
What if I told you that I was sorry?
What if I told you that I missed you every second of every day (and even the intervals between seconds), that I loved you so much that sometimes I just didn’t even notice it, not like an afterthought, but because it was that much a part of me, it was just a part of my existence, like breathing. ?
You were necessary like breathing to me.
What if I showed up one more time? What if I looked into your eyes one more time?
I am forgetting what your voice sounds like.
I am forgetting what your laugh sounds like.
I looked up one of your social media accounts.
I saw you with your new girlfriend.
You love her so much, you wrote.
You love her family as well.
She’s supportive and kind and crazy about you.
And that’s all good and well. It really is.
But I can’t shake the fact that I should’ve been the one holding your hand forever.
What if it was supposed to be me?
–S.
The Messy Middle 🖤 