Not your usual before and after, but this journey for me is about embracing all of the things about myself that I don’t like and turning them into loves.
I wear a size 12W.
As if the 12 is not enough, my feet are also wide, probably because I live in Texas and flip-flops are life.
Everything about me just always seemed so big. If I could have somehow made myself invisible, I would have.
I never knew how to take up the space that I do. That seems like a really wierd statement when I read it back to myself, but I don’t know how else to explain it.
I just felt tall, and awkward, and big, and there. I wanted to not be as noticeable, fade into the background like a nice clock on the wall, but there I was, in all of my glory.
These ‘big’ things about myself just made me feel…not feminine. In my head, to qualify as feminine, I felt I had to be petite, and everything about me had to be small.
But there are so many of us in so many different shapes and sizes, that means that statement is just simply not true.
So, shoes were never something I fell in love with like most women. They were even worse to shop for than clothes. This made special occasions or even bowling something to dread.
I decided to revamp my shoe space – from a pile of clown shoes to an organized section of my bedroom – and I also added some fun shoes to my collection like platform sneakers, cheetah, gold, and even sequins.
I’m going to take up space in style.
Today, I’m wearing some cheetah print flats to work and the compliments have been rolling in.
My feet might be long and wide, and I won’t be able to change that – but I can still take up space with them fashionably.
They’ve taken me wherever I’ve needed to go during my 31 years on this earth.
So, they are pretty damn special and beautiful when I think about it.
I’ve also been stealing glances at my new shoe area in my room and smiling.
It feels like I’m finally starting to grow into the space that I take up and own it.
–S.
The Messy Middle 🖤 