You stayed in the catastrophe, of the aftermath of me.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
If you stay with me, you’ll turn to rust.
If you don’t leave now, you’ll see.
–S.
Tag: raw
Loud.
I was imploding on myself when we were together.
I thought you couldn’t see what was happening to me,
I took your blindness as a small kindness,
but your silence felt like sirens.
–S.
dear harrison,
the ac is out in the corolla and summer’s on her way to texas. lately it seems like a sick metaphor for my life. things dying. i find myself alternating between walking in grief or in fear. we try our best to hold on to everything that crosses our paths, but so much of life is having to let go of those same things. i know that on the other side of grief is acceptance or peace, but when you’re in it, it just feels like the world ending.
i listen to every sound the car makes now like stairs creaking in an old house. that’s what fear does. it makes you hyperaware of everything around you. you’re always waiting for the next big scary thing.
fear is a held breath.
i know that the world has ended for me on many nights and begun again in the morning. realistically i know that i’ll be okay. that no matter how i fall, i’ll still be staring up at the sky.
did you know that rock bottom has a basement?
time for me to crawl now.
all my love, suncica
Permission.
I let you hurt me.
I was numb, so I wanted to feel.
I let you hurt me.
It was wrong, but I wanted it still.
I let you hurt me.
You moved on, but I don’t think I will.
–S.
Pick-up Truck.
All of this shit gets heavy.
I could fill up the back of a chevy.
I could use a pick up,
a lift up.
All of this shit gets heavy.
It could overflow a levee.
I could use a hand,
in the flooding.
I thought it was real,
and it wasn’t.
–S.
Powdered Sugar.
All the honey in the world isn’t as sweet as you,
Stuck and sticky, too.
Dessert in human form,
powdered sugar dust-storm,
this can’t be the norm.
–S.
It feels like.
Sometimes it feels like all the goodness in the world couldn’t eradicate the darkness inside of me.
Sometimes it feels like all the lenses in the world couldn’t help me see.
Sometimes it feels like all the meditation in the world wouldn’t let me be.
Sometimes it feels like there is no free.
–S.
I don’t think this is what we meant when we said forever.
I’ll be sorry the rest of my life.
In my heart, this will keep you alive.
You’ll never have to fade or go away.
With me, you’ll always stay.
I’ll be sorry the rest of my life.
–S.
Heartbreak Marmalade.
Mistakes made,
hurt exchanged.
Emotions fade,
outlooks jade.
We’re not good for each other,
but we’re great at making heartbreak marmalade.
–S.
Give ‘Em Hell.
Longing,
rhymes with belonging,
and prolonging,
too.
All words that I’d connect with you.
I was fawning and then it was dawning,
that I was bombing.
and wronging,
everything all to hell.
–S.
The Messy Middle 🖤 