It was a pretty disheartening day yesterday, but this journey is all about transparency and authenticity for me, so I wanted to share my truth.
I’ve been meaning to clean out my closet for a while now. It’s overflowing with what seems like nothing that I want to wear and nothing that I feel good in.
I read somewhere that your closet should make you want to dance. My closet makes me want to cry.
So, yesterday, I took all of the clothes out of my closet and lifted them up one by one.
I saw crop tops, sheer tops, why did you ever buy these tops, burn these tops, use these as a rag tops, I will fit into these one day tops.
I saw muffin top pants, walking through a creek pants, never seen the light of day shorts, never fit over my thighs workout tights, I will fit into these one day bottoms.
The list goes on and on.
With more items in the donation pile than in the keep pile, I was feeling pretty awful.
I’d wasted all this money buying clothes for myself that I WISHED I’d fit into, or what I WANTED to look like, but nothing that I truly would or could wear.
I only let myself keep one box of – I really love this and might fit into this eventually clothes.
So, five bags for donation and a whole lot of self-pity later…I honestly feel lighter.
I WANT to and CAN wear everything in my closet now.
I don’t have to sift through all of the bullshit anymore.
I also splurged on a few new pieces and added those to my closet – clothes that fit, not clothes that fit a fantasy of who I think I should look like.
So, I don’t know that my closet necessarily makes me want to dance yet, maybe tap my foot and nod my head to the beat, but I’m done looking like I’m ready to attend a funeral, and now I can get ready for the party instead (let’s be real…the party of life).
Anyway, that’s my truth.
–S.
The Messy Middle 🖤 