At the time this letter was written – I referred to music as the love of my life, but as I’m healing – I realize that I AM the love of my life. Now, I would say that music is probably my oldest friend, my forever companion. My mother told me that I have loved music for as long as she can remember.
Music,
When I think back to my earliest memories, there was you.
On my hand I can count the number of things in my life that have been constant and you always make the top five.
Thank you for staying up with me when I couldn’t sleep. Thank you for keeping secrets. Thank you for believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Thank you for picking the best movies. Thank you for your words of wisdom and strength when I could not put together my own. Thank you for being a distraction right before my biggest presentations. Thank you for studying with me. Thank you for crying with me. Thank you for thousands of drives around the city. Thank you for blocking out sounds that I didn’t want to hear. Thank you for nights out on the town. Thank you for always being around for road trips.
Thank you for your consistency – summer, winter, spring, and fall.
Thank you for being there for the transition periods within my life, and for moving schools with me. Thank you for sleeping with me when there was no one. Thank you for being my someone. Thank you for using no words when the situation called for that. Thank you for always knowing the right words to say. Thank you for understanding heartbreaks, and the times that I ran back to the wrong people. Thank you for being my friend when I felt that I was the only person in a room full of people.
You walk with me in everything I do.
I am forever grateful to you because you have shown me true love. You heighten every situation. I don’t know where you end, and where I begin. It has always been us two.
Your whispers in the dark. Your yells in the night. Your repetition when you think I can’t hear you.
Sometimes, I overlooked you in moments when I thought I found something close to your existence, but more than ever I remember how in love we have been, how in love we are, and how in love I hope we will be.
Wherever you are, I am home. You are everything. Everything is you.
Music, even if we never get that old thing back, I want you to know that you are and always have been the love of my life.
Yours,
–S.
The Messy Middle 🖤 